I won't say it if you don't say it first

Confussion, despair, loneliness haunting me every minute. They never stop, I'm sure they just won't.

This endless feeling of anxiety keeps me awake for hours at night, thinking about..

No, i'm not finishing the sentence, I need some air first.

And a smoke.

Done.

Ok, allright, the word is...

..."the word" is my reason, my hope, the place I run to when my whole world crumbles around me, and everything i dream of. but, no matter how hard I try to be perfect, my efforts are useless and this ain't going anywhere. so, even though I'm well aware of the pain it will cause me, I guess I'll be forced to forget it too.